The Perfectionism Trap

On a recent family visit, I was talked into doing some sanding. I love getting my hands dirty and doing practical tasks, so I was well up for it. I noticed as I started sanding the decks of this boat that the perfectionist in me was getting very noisy. The fear of ‘getting it right’ felt really strong and I began to feel so worried that I would get it ‘wrong’. Then came the feeling of ‘well I’ll just stop, as I probably won’t do it perfectly and I can’t face that’. But I held on in there, momentarily, and asked with a worried expression ‘is this OK?’ The warm reply came…’it’s good enough’.

The relief! It was like the weight came off. The idea was to get the boat watertight, back in the water ready to be used and enjoyed. If we had all been perfectionist about it, the summer would have gone by and no-one would have enjoyed it. So I stole this wonderful phrase and use it a lot with clients. It helps to get unstuck. It helps to create momentum and get things moving in a forward direction. Again like all new ideas, the idea muscle has to be built up. The more and more my clients use it, the better they become at making progress.

When we feel better about having made progress, our overall wellbeing improves. Those good feelings literally flood our brains, our fear reduces and we build our self-esteem.

If these feeling of perfectionism sound familiar, a good starting place is to recognise the symptoms and understand the roots. There are many resources online that can help you start putting a picture together and recognise the behaviour that slows you down.

Perfectionism article in The Guardian.